Sometimes I Wonder….
Peace be upon you…
Sometimes I wonder if I’m meant to be something more than I already am. I have a very inquiring mind so I always have deep questions that I never bother to write down and probably never will because it’s so hard to put them into words.
I feel like I’m meant to be more, and do more in this life than what I’m already doing or what I want to do in the future. I don’t feel satisfied with myself sometimes. I get sad when I think about how I don’t really know who I am as a person and who I’m meant to be. It’s so hard to understand myself sometimes.
I had hoped that becoming Muslim would take this all away but it hasn’t. I believe Allah (swt) has something bigger in store for me that I have yet to know or understand. I just pray that I find myself and figure out what I want out of life.
2 comments October 24, 2009 modestpurple
Why I Couldn’t Remain An Atheist (Part 2)
Unfortunatley there’s a lot of things I didn’t mention in my previous post and so I got some comments that showed lack of understanding, on my part.
I didn’t go back to religion because it felt “cozy” (as one commenter said). I didn’t want to be a part of religion. Like I said, I had brainwashed myself into believing God didn’t exist, therefore I had also brainwashed myself into believing that religion was false also. So the mere fact that I went back to Islam shocks me, still (although not so much anymore). Like I had stated in my post “I Used To Make Fun Of Religion”, I used to be one of the people would would mock religion and the existance of God all the time. I was completley against following any organized religion. It was silly to me so I made fun of it all the time. So it was beyond me as to why I cared for and had so much respect for Islam despite the teasing I made of religious beliefs.
So I’m very very fascinated with astronomy and I like to learn some things about evolution too. I like anthropolgy. And the more I learned about the universe and evolution the more I believed in God. I honestly sometimes had a hard time not believing in God when I would study things here and there about the universe and evolution. I could never bring myself to believe that everything in existance today exists because of something that happened by chance billions of years ago. I think the universe is beautiful. All natural things are beautiful to me, and I have yet to understand how anyone can look at the universe and nature and say that it all came into existance on it’s own for no reason at all.
Atheists (even I have said) that people want to believe in God and religion because they don’t know where we came from and why we’re here. And while it’s fair enough for others to say “we don’t know yet”, I’m still skeptical. Even as an atheist this made me skeptical.
And don’t tell me that I wasn’t a real atheist because of the things I have stated. I didn’t believe in God, period. And I was completley close minded to the idea of the existance of God until I forced myself out of that close minded-ness.
So, that is just a little bit more about why I couldn’t stay atheist (in detail).
2 comments October 20, 2009 modestpurple
Why I Couldn’t Remain An Atheist (Part 1)
I can’t remember whether or not I posted a blog about me being an atheist and I’m too lazy to look, so I’m just going to write another one…
So as an Atheist I was very very depressed. I was crying nearly every night because I was so confused about what I should or shouldn’t believe in. I had all these atheists telling me that it’s illogical to believe in God, but then I had all these theists telling me that it’s illogical not to believe in God. I was confused and stressed out over this. I didn’t want to be an agnostic and sit on the fence about my belief in a deity so that’s why I was an atheist. Unfortunatley it was the worst couple of weeks of my life. I had never been so depressed in my life before. I was so unhappy because I didn’t feel like I was living my life the way I should. I felt like something was missing from my life. I had pretty much brainwashed myself into believing God didn’t exist, but I think that in the back of my mind I really did believe in God. It was so hard just going throughout each day wondering if I should be living my life some other way.
So after I started looking into Islam again I couldn’t stay an atheist. I wondered to myself “why is it that I always go back to Islam?” It’s because Islam completes me, it makes me happy and at peace. I haven’t cried one tear over what I should or shouldn’t believe since I reverted back.
*please read the second part to this listed under the category “Why*
4 comments October 20, 2009 modestpurple
Pink Hijab Day!
Salaam aleikum!
So I just found out that, in support of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, October 26th is Pink Hijab Day…or is it the 28th?? Sorry I’m not completley sure because I’m getting two differnt dates, either way, I don’t care…maybe I’ll wear a pink hijab on both days!
So, for the sisters who wear hijab, don’t forget the date/s, and support Breast Cancer Awareness!
=)
2 comments October 18, 2009 modestpurple
My Aunt Is Muslim!
Oh my goodness…..I’m so shocked by this. I just found out my great aunt is Muslim! A couple years back my mom told me she was Muslim but I thought she had left Islam. Apparently not! I just added her as a friend on Facebook and she sent me a message, also shocked that I was Muslim. I’m so happy about this! Alhumdullilah I’m not the only one in the family that is Muslim! I no longer feel alone! This is very exciting. The only downside about this is that she lives in a differnt state than I do so I won’t get to see her for several months.
Anyways, I just wanted to share my excitment! =)
Add comment October 18, 2009 modestpurple
My YouTube Page!!!
Salaam aleikum!
I’ve made and deleted several videos on my youtube page in the past two and a half days. I’ve got four up right now and I’m not getting much traffic…I know I’m being impatient but I feel like I won’t ever get a lot of traffic unless I bring more attention to my videos so I’m doing it here! =)
My videos are not about any particular thing. I’ve only made one video regarding me and religion and that’s the only video I intend on posting regarding religion. All others will be just some random stuff I come up with (vlogs). So if you have a youtube account, subscribe! and if you don’t have a youtube account make one and then subscribe! lol
okay, you can find my page here:
Add comment October 18, 2009 modestpurple
I Am Proud To Be Muslim
Within the past two days I’ve felt this overhwheling joy about being Muslim. I am so proud to be Muslim. I’m just happy to wake up each morning knowing that I made the right decision on how to live my life. I had never felt this way before and I love it. Last night as I was doing Maghrib prayer and felt this serenity overcome me. I had never felt this way before while praying and I loved it. So later on at night I prayed two rakahs of sunnah after Isha prayer. I would say it’s strange, but I don’t find this strange at all. Alhumdullilah. There may be things I don’t understand yet about my religion but that is okay, I will learn in due time inshAllah.
So, ya, I just wanted to say that I LOVE being Muslim. And I am so happy that everyone so far is accepting of it (again).
Thanks for reading! =)
2 comments October 14, 2009 modestpurple
I Used To Make Fun Of Religion…
The times when I was not following any particular religion I tended to make fun of them on Yahoo Answers. The religion I mocked the most was Christianity because I know a lot about it since I used to be a Christian. I would make all of these rude statements about Christianity and just overall say that most religion is bs. But, for some reason, I could not bring myself to mock Islam directly. I would often say religion is false, but I could never bring myself to say such a thing about Islam. I could not, for the life of me, bring myself to pick at Muslims the way I did Christians. I know it’s bad that I was that way, and I’m sorry for it. May Allah swt forgive me.
I had so much respect for Islam as a non-Muslim that, more often than not, I found myself defending it. I can’t think of a time where I mocked Islam. And now I know why…I love Islam, I love Allah swt, and there’s no way in the world I can ever say anything disrespectful about such a beautiful religion.
Add comment October 10, 2009 modestpurple
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